


A Knight's Unpaid Vigilance

by Cerillen



Series: What is Your Life Like? [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: BAMF Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Gen, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, I'm legit kind of sorry about this one, I've done something terrible, It really hurts me deep down in my soul, It's more of a look into how Sides work, So that's pretty cool, but hey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-06-09 15:25:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15270468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerillen/pseuds/Cerillen
Summary: "I loved them. All of them.""Then why'd you do it?""What else am I supposed to do, when all they've ever wanted was for me to leave them?"





	1. Chapter 1

It was a mistake.

He’d never thought that something like this would happen.

But now he knew.

“Will you let me have him?”

It was a mistake to come here.

“What?”

Thomas stared at the man with impossibly wide eyes, all of his sides standing around him protectively.

All but one.

“His attachment is strong and so is his magic. He’s obedient but has enough free-will to have opinions and make a decision against you.”

The shadowy side didn’t move when the man reached a hand forward to tip his face up by the chin.

The leer he sent towards the one in his grasp made Thomas’ skin crawl.

“He’s perfect. I’ll give you whatever you want in exchange for him.”

“YOU CAN’T HAVE HIM!”

Thomas flinched at Patton’s shout and was surprised to see tears in the moral side’s eyes.

“HE’S-”

“Be quiet, Morality.”

The words were like a physical force that caused everyone to still.

Anxiety reached a hand up and pulled the one holding his chin away from his face before turning back to his host and fellow sides.

He glanced at Patton.

“This isn’t your business.”

The usually cheerful side flinched and took a step back, looking at the other with a pained expression on his face.

Then Anxiety looked to Thomas and the host felt his heart plummet at his words.

“What do you want?”

“What?”

Anxiety took a step forward and Thomas almost tripped backwards.

His hands were starting to shake.

And Anxiety remained completely blank faced.

“In exchange for him taking me. What do you want?”

Another step forward and Thomas finally tripped.

A hand flashed out and grabbed him by the collar, holding him in place.

“Tell me NOW, Sanders.  ** _WHAT DO YOU WANT IN EXCHANGE?”_**

“NOTHING!”

Thomas’ chest was heaving and his heart was pounding and his eyes were starting to fill with tears.

And all he could see were the angry eyes of his anxiety.

A sharp and cutting violet, that could sometimes look so soft and gentle when he thought no one was looking.

Eyes that shifted into a different expression for just a moment before Thomas was suddenly pulled forward.

His breath hitched at the scent and feeling that enveloped him as he was held close by impossibly gentle arms.

He shook harder and his tears finally started to fall as he reached his hands up and grasped at the soft hoodie he was pressed against.

The gentle arms gave a squeeze and Anxiety curled a little more protectively around him, pressing his face into Thomas’ hair and letting out the quietest of sounds.

It was a pained sound.

“Then…”

The anxious side took a shaky breath and Thomas flinched at the sudden tugging feeling in his chest.

“…goodbye, Thomas.”

Then he cried out and felt his knees give out below him as the tugging turned into a sharp snap.

“THOMAS!”

He felt himself be taken by four different sets of hands and reached his own up to hold against his chest.

It felt like something had broken.

A laugh made him gasp and refocus his attention back to the world around him.

“Man, you really must have wanted out, huh? Can’t say I blame ya. He doesn’t seem like the type to use a side like you properly.”

The man was still standing in front of him and he was smiling at Anxiety, who was stood between the two manifesters as casually as always.

The man laughed a little more and Thomas did his best to ignore his pain and sit up.

“Well, you won’t have to worry about that anymore.”

Then he reached out a hand to the side in front of him, smiling even wider.

“Since you’re mine now, right?”

And Anxiety turned his head away slightly, looking back at Thomas.

“anxiety…”

Who could only manage the smallest of whispers through his pain.

And that same expression passed through the side’s violet eyes.

And Thomas finally realized what it was as the other turned away once more and reached his own hand out.

“Right.”

It was Pain.

“Anxiety…”

Thomas gasped as the other host’s magic flowed into Anxiety, who grimaced at the feeling.

Then the pain finally dissipated and Thomas fell forward a little.

“So, what’s your role?”

And looked up again to see Anxiety wearing different clothes, his skin paler than before, his eye shadow replaced by a sprawling black tatoo of cracks that emerged from below his shirt and ended at his right eye, his hair now completely black and styled more aggressively while still hiding part of his face.

“Anxiety.”

Thomas’ voice was pleading and he reached a hand out.

The newly transformed side looked back at him.

“Vigilance.”

And Thomas felt his heart break.

On the left side of Anxiety’s face was the same sharp violet he’d always known.

But on the right was pure blackness.

“Anxiety!”

“Alright. C’mon then, Vigilance. We got a schedule to keep.”

Thomas flinched harshly at the name and started pushing at the hands holding onto him.

His breath was coming out in harsh sobs and he felt like he was breaking apart.

“Right.”

Vigilance turned away from him and moved to walk a step behind his new host.

Thomas pushed harder.

“ANXIETY!”

But his cries were ignored.

And for the first time in his life.

His Knight left him behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to freak out and ask questions about what the heck is happening in the comments.  
> But I'll go ahead and tell you now that this is something that's meant to take place a while into the series.  
> I'm just doing it now because I felt like it.  
> Sorry for being really inconsistent in chronologically creating things.  
> (Gy-new/young)


	2. Chapter 2

“Alright, welcome to your new home, Vigilance.”

The sound of leather falling on leather was loud within the large and mostly empty apartment.

“Or, y’know, the real life version of it.”

Black and violet eyes glanced quickly around the space, taking in every detail with speed, before moving over to gaze at the man standing in the middle of it all.

Said man was gazing back at him, his arms crossed while he seemed to examine the newly acquired side in front of him.

After a moment of silently staring at each other, the man snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Not a big talker, huh?”

Despite himself, Virgil’s nose scrunched up.

“Not really…”

The man barked out a laugh before shaking his head.

“Right, right. That’s fine. Not like I really need you to talk much anyways.”

Then he uncrossed his arms and took a few steps forward, until he and the dark side were less than a foot apart.

A hand reached up and gently grabbed Virgil’s chin, a thumb pressing lightly against his closed lips.

“Actually, it’s probably better if you talk less, considering what you seemed to do with your voice earlier.”

Virgil’s eyes sharpened dangerously and the man’s hand twitched.

Then his own hands twitched and the side that had once been Anxiety quickly shifted his gaze away, tilting his head in a way that allowed his hair to fall further over his face.

Unbeknownst to Virgil, the gesture made the man frown.

“I only use my voice in emergencies. When it’s really necessary.”

The touch of the man’s thumb was featherlight as it made a single sweep across his lips, before resting against the edge of his frown.

“And that was an emergency?”

Despite the thumb no longer pressing against his mouth, Virgil remained silent, his head only lowering further, his face becoming more shadowed.

Meanwhile, the man’s frown only deepened, his brows furrowing as he took in the defeated posture of the side in front of him.

“I see.”

The hand left Virgil’s chin and left him blinking in surprise when it gave him two gentle but firm slaps on the cheek.

“Well, that’s fair enough. If you feel like you need to use your voice, feel free. Just make sure you don’t overuse it on me or the others.”

Virgil looked up sharply and found the man smiling at him with a slightly evil looking grin.

“Or I’ll dump you on another manifester so fast you’ll get whiplash. Understand?”

It reminded him a lot of Deceit’s own devious grin whenever he was about to pull a prank on one of the others.

“Yeah.”

It made Virgil’s heart ache.

“I understand.”

The man nodded.

“Good.”

Then his hand was reaching out again, this time taking a hold of Virgil’s wrist and pulling him closer to stand at his side.

“Now c’mon, I gotta introduce you to the others and get you to your room so I can finally relax for the day.”

Sinking into another manifester’s mind was apparently just as uncomfortable as sinking into Thomas’, Virgil noted as they appeared in a much messier version of the apartment they’d just left.

A loud whistle rang through the room and made Virgil quickly reach out and pull the other closer to him.

The man simply laughed in response.

“Calm down, Vigilance. Not every little sound is a threat, y’know.”

A different hand from the one that was currently pressing against Virgil’s side, came up and patted him lightly on the head.

“Although that’s real sweet of you to try and protect me from my own whistle.”

If Virgil could blush, he would have.

As it was, his tattoo, having taken the place of his eyeshadow, spread a little further across his face while his cheeks, if anything, only became paler.

“Who the hell is this?”

A rather nasally voice burst into the room alongside two individuals that looked about as messily put together as the room they were in.

One was short but gangly, and had long green hair and bright, almost neon, green eyes.

The other was tall and incredibly muscular, with a bald head covered in writhing blood red tattoos and beady pure black eyes.

“This is Vigilance, he’s a new side, obviously. Vigilance, these are my other two sides, Jealousy and Vengeance.”

The tall one, whom Virgil was quite certain to be Vengeance, laughed loud enough that a small bowl of something gooey rattled off of a nearby countertop and onto the floor.

“It’s another V name! Who’da thought!”

Jealousy rolled her eyes and turned away with a wave of her hand.

“Great, glad to hear it, Mack. Now don’t bother calling me again unless it’s for something _actually_  important. C’mon, Caine. I’m not done yet.”

Vengeance, or Caine apparently, continued to laugh as he followed the other side towards a door under the stairs.

The man next to Virgil waved his hand with a slightly exasperated smile.

“Great talk, JJ! Thanks for coming out! Always a joy seeing you!”

A single gesture was given in response as Jealousy walked out of the room and closed the door behind her and the other side, leaving Virgil alone with his new manifester once more.

The man snorted quietly and shook his head, before turning to give Virgil a shrug.

“What can I say? My personality’s just a mess.”

The sound of something, likely a piece of furniture nearby, cracking echoed within the silence of the room.

The man flinched and, before Virgil could respond in any way, he turned and started briskly walking towards the stairs.

“C’mon, we did the welcome wagon thing so it’s time for me to ditch you in your room and leave you to your own devices.”

Virgil stayed still for only a moment longer, taking another look around the wrecked room with a hint of concern, before following after him.

“Lucky you, you get a door on the second floor. The others just have doors in the hall downstairs.”

The man turned and gave him a cheesy grin and a pat on the arm.

“Aren’t you special.”

Then he turned to the dark door they’d stopped in front of and opened it.

Virgil hesitated before he could follow.

A strange but familiar feeling prickled against the back of his mind.

He was being watched by someone.

His hands twitched and he quickly took a glance to the side, noticing that the wall there looked strange.

A secret door.

A very well hidden one, with almost invisible seams.

He’d seen similar variants back in Thomas’ mindscape.

Roman and Deceit had both been quite fond of secret entrances and hidden passageways.

And Virgil had made sure he was good at spotting them, just in case he had to use one to get to the others during an emergency.

He hadn’t expected to see one here…

Before his new manifester could notice his hesitation, Virgil continued to follow him into the room while he filed the information away to consider later.

“Certainly gloomy inside and out, huh?”

Virgil looked around the room and couldn’t help but silently agree.

The room was even darker and gloomier than his old one had been.

Everything was only black and grey, no color could be seen.

The furniture seemed gothic in design and the only decoration in the room was a single painting depicting a small white flower surrounded by thorny black vines.

The sight of the flower made his eyes prickle and he forced himself to look away from it.

The room seemed, although not as bad as the common area, quite messy.

The furniture was broken and warped, the walls had cracks, the wooden floor was covered in bits of fluff and dirt and splinters, the bed sheets were torn and filled with holes, and everything was covered in a thick layer of dust.

The man nudged a chair with his foot and quickly covered his mouth to cough when the dust covering the room was disturbed.

“Ugh, whoops. Man, this place is a dump. Glad I don’t have to stay here.”

Virgil glared at him halfheartedly and the man simply laughed as he started walking out of the room.

“Well, I’ve done everything I needed to do. I’m sure you can get to your realm and deal with whatever you need to deal with on your own. I’m gonna go ahead and get back to my own place.”

As he reached the doorway, the man stopped and turned around, his gaze suddenly sharp and his body suddenly straightening.

Like he was trying to be intimidating.

“Three rules.”

He held up three fingers to match, and Virgil straightened as well.

“No looking through memories and no asking me about personal stuff. It’s my shit and I can deal with it just fine on my own, so stay away. Understand?”

Virgil nodded and the man nodded as well, lowering one of his fingers.

“Don’t be an asshole to the other sides. I need you guys to work together for arena fights, so I can’t have you hating each other or something.”

Another nod and another finger goes down.

“You’re allowed to watch me while I’m out and doing shit, that’s fine. But from 7PM to 9AM you aren’t. You also can’t come out during that time. That’s my ‘private time’. And you aren’t allowed to disturb that. Got it?”

A final nod from Virgil and the man grinned as he let his hand fall.

“Great! Then I’ll just-”

“What’s your name?”

It hadn’t occurred to him until Jealousy called him Mack but, Virgil didn’t actually know his new manifester’s name.

They’d been too busy with the convention events to have proper introductions.

And Virgil had been so caught up with his own emotions at the time that he hadn’t thought to ask.

The man blinked and a gentle pink color started rising to his cheeks before he let out a slightly awkward laugh and looked just as awkwardly away from the side in front of him.

“Right, yeah. I totally forgot to do introductions and shit while we were at the con. My bad.”

Then, after quickly clearing his throat and walking back over to stand in front of Virgil, the man smiled charmingly and held out a hand.

“My name’s Mackenzie Gulfin. But feel free to call me Mack.”

With a gentleness that, unbeknownst to Virgil, made Mack want to frown again, the dark side took the hand offered to him and gave it a soft shake.

“Virgil.”

Black and violet eyes that had once only been violet, became hidden behind long black bangs once again.

“Nice to meet you.”

The charming smile wavered a little, and gold and brown eyes gazed sadly at the obviously pained being in front of them.

A hand came up and gently patted Virgil’s head again.

For some reason, the gesture this time made him want to cry.

“Likewise, tall dark and broody.”

The nickname, as jokingly said as it was, made him swallow around the growing lump in his throat.

When he looked up again, Mack’s face was schooled back into a charming grin again and he faced it with a slight glare that made the other laugh.

“Well, now that that’s taken care of. I’m really gonna go this time. Remember to follow the rules. I’ll see you tomorrow, Virgil!”

And the door closed behind the man with a bang that was followed by the sounds of things falling downstairs.

After taking a couple of deep breathes, Virgil looked around the room once more.

His attention, unsurprisingly, went towards the large painting hanging from above his bed.

The flower was so familiar.

Just like the ones from his old realm.

He wrapped his arms around his middle as he looked at it, shivering as he finally allowed himself to really feel the differences between this new version of him and the old one.

The presence of his shadows was gone.

He could still control his own, but the sentient little creatures that had helped him before were gone.

The thought of what exactly that meant for them forced another lump to fill his throat, and he swallowed hard before shifting his gaze towards the broken bed in front of him.

The sheets, despite being torn and holy, rested in the same way his old ones had.

Covering the underside of the bed completely.

So, wondering if it meant what he thought it meant, he kneeled down and pulled them up.

And, sure enough, he found himself huffing out a small laugh at the sight of a thin and gnarled wooden door that led to the area under the bed.

With familiar and practiced motions, he opened the door and slid through it.

It slammed behind him, just as it had in his old room, and he moved to the other side of the bed to open the opposing door.

It led to a mirrored version of the room he’d left behind.

It was just as dusty and broken.

And the rest of the house, rather than being messy, was covered in dust and falling apart as well.

He walked through the silent apartment and stopped in front of the front door.

His hands shook a little and he clenched them into fists as he stared at the doorknob.

He was scared.

He didn’t know what he’d find when he went through.

He didn’t know what he  _wanted_ to find.

He didn’t even know if he could handle whatever he  _did_  find.

But he couldn’t just ignore the place forever.

This was his home now.

His realm.

His World.

Virgil blinked hard and ignored the warm and wet feeling that was suddenly surrounding his hands.

After a few moments of silence that was only broken by the quiet noise of droplets hitting wood, Virgil finally unclenched his hands and opened the door.

His eyes closed without him even realizing it, and he took a couple of blind steps out of the apartment.

His heart was hammering in his chest and he felt like he was about to fall to pieces.

His ears were straining to hear something.

To hear the familiar sounds of water falling over rocks and wind flowing through grass.

But there was nothing.

And soon, he found himself opening his eyes.

And immediately covering his mouth as he sobbed.

The sound was loud, even after being dampened by his hands.

It echoed through the clearing and rang in his ears like a bell.

His entire body shook as he started walking unsteadily forward.

It didn’t take long for him to reach a familiar tree.

It looked so very much like his willow.

An exact copy of his old best friend.

But it was not the same.

This crystalline figure was nothing but a cheap imitation.

An impostor.

Another sob echoed over the solid crystal ground.

The grass and the flowers within it, remained still.

As did the water of the waterfall.

The starry sky now lacked its color.

It’s gleam now nothing more than the soft shine of light reflecting off of the softly glowing trees below it.

There were no purple balls of light, floating around and warbling their own little song.

There was no gentle breeze, filling the air with white petals and the smell of flowers.

Just an empty crystal copy of the place Virgil had left behind.

His knees cracked as he fell to them, his hands moving up and away from his mouth to grab at his hair.

His hair that was too dark.

He struggled to breathe as his sobbing became more violent, his chest heaving with the motion.

His chest which was covered now by sturdy leather, instead of soft cotton.

“ ** _i’m sorry_** ”

His shadows rippled out of him, whipping violently at the hard ground around him, in response to his loss of control.

His shadows that would never warble at him in concern or curl around him as he slept or convince him to play tag when he was lonely or-

_**~~“I’M SORRY”~~ ** _

His screams echoed across the clearing.

Filling the silence in a way that only made the emptiness seem even more pronounced.

He screamed.

And cried.

And apologized.

Even though he knew that there was no one around to forgive him.

And there never would be.

Because this was his home now.

His realm.

His World.

And They was gone.

All that remained was a crystalline shell.

Covered in cracks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually caused myself pain.  
> I'm legit sorry.  
> But also not really.  
> *kind of just curls up to die under my desk*  
> I shouldn't listen to sad music at five in the morning...  
> I should just sleep like a normal person...


End file.
